I’ve been thinking of doing this post for a while now, and for the past week or so, been trying to think of unique things I hate. I will probably forget something I’d like to share and deliberately leave stuff out because I worry it’s too mean and don’t want to be a social pariah. And soon I’d like to share a list that’s equally as long or longer of things I love, just to try and even out the hate! And now I wish that no one hates me by the end of this!
1. Chocolate cupcakes
2. When people use the word “retard” as an insult. My little brother is mentally challenged and growing up, the worst and most offensive word you could use in our house was “retard”. Even guests were chewed out if that word slipped out of their mouth near my mom.
3. When people write the number or letter of something from a long list of items and you have no idea what they’re referring to, so you have to scroll back up to see what they meant. This normally happens on Imgur, on a post with 20 or so pictures, and someone makes a comment like, “Number 3, I use to do the same thing with my parents, and number 7, wow, that’s gonna hurt the next day!” or some such thing.
4. Also again normally on Imgur, overuse of what at one time was a clever comment by someone and now everyone uses it, FOR EVERY LITTLE THING. Example: Who’s cutting onions in here? (Note: For some reason, comments like these are almost always Top Comment. Why, people, why? Show a little creativity!)
5. When I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
6. When people eat Kit-Kats wrong. You’re suppose to break the sticks apart and eat them one by one, not take a bite out of the whole thing still stuck together!
7. Most army wives. This one I was really scared to write, because I am afraid someone will stumble upon my blog and in army wife fashion, scream at me (through the internet of course) and call me a whore (one, if you knew anything about me you would know how laughably untrue that is, and two, what do my sexual activities have to do with me hating a lot of army wives? It just seems to be the go-to insult.) and call me other horrible names. I did not use to feel this way, I use to think of army wives as strong, brave, kind, fiercely loyal and patriotic folk, but upon getting married to a man who happened to join the army and moving to a military post, I learned how a lot of these women act. I heard stories of women setting their mops outside to alert other men that their husbands were away and they were “available”. I heard countless stories of women cheating on their husbands while they were deployed, and worse yet (and incredibly stupidly) getting pregnant sometimes. Women who let their children run wild with no discipline or guidance, women who scream and yell to get their way and demand that they be treated better than others because their spouses are in the military. Women who wear their husband’s rank, who curse out gate guards for not saluting them because their husbands are officers and they feel they deserve to be saluted too. When I was a more newly-wed army wife, I thought these were just extremes, rare, exaggerations of SOME wives by other army wives trying to impress and scare us newbies at the same time. I learned that sadly these behaviors aren’t that rare when our “Welcome-to-Schweinfurt” newcomers class took a tour of the health clinic and the person giving us the tour told us, “We do NOT do abortions here. I cannot stress this enough. We must have a minimum of at least 30 women a month coming in here, crying, saying their husbands are about to come home from a 9-month deployment and they just found out they were 8 weeks pregnant. We have to refer these women to German hospitals off post because we do NOT do abortions here.” I was disgusted. This was not a big army post by any means, so that was a lot of people. At times I do not like to admit I am also an army wife, because I fear people will automatically assume I am one of these women. I have never seen a group of people attack each other emotionally and verbally so viciously. I have a very kind friend, whom I will politely say did not have much of maternal common sense when she got pregnant. She had to ask many questions. She asked (note: She had not done this. She was just wondering if she could.) if she could use a tanning bed while she was pregnant. At least ten women started calling her horrible names, saying they would do horrible things to her, saying once she had her baby they would drop kick her in the stomach and then choke her. That was her last question on a public forum because of the hatred and violent way in which these women responded. Only two people (one of which was me) had any actual advice to give her and not just threaten her.
8. Okay. Seven was a bit harsh so this one will be lighter. I hate cooking pasta. I LOVE pasta, I thought I was part Italian until earlier this year when my sister laughed at me and told me I wasn’t (very, very sad day) but cooking pasta is a bitch. I can never get it right. It’s either too soggy and well done or not cooked enough. The instructions on the box should just say, “It’ll definitely be squishier after this many minutes, but you’re on your own on figuring out if it’s too done or not done enough.”
9. I hate washing the George Foreman grill. I (along with the floor and counters) am always wet, soapy, and grumpy by the end of this chore. Okay so maybe my rugs can’t be grumpy, but I swear the sunflowers look a lot less sunny.
10. I hate putting away laundry. I enjoy washing it and drying it because I LOVE the smell of fresh laundry, but something about putting it away makes me want hire a housekeeper strictly for this chore. Oh, and while he/she’s at it, put away my dishes, because once those suckers are nice and clean and sparkly, I hate putting them away too. All other chores are not fun, but tolerable.
11. Vague and/or attention-seeking Facebook posts. I use to comment but lately I rarely feed into the posts that go something along the lines of, “I am so mad about what happened today!! Arrgghh just don’t talk to me I don’t want to talk about it!” Then WHY did you post it?
12. Mud. Luckily my dogs are dainty little things and can’t stand to get their precious paws dirty, but when it’s muddy and they have to go outside to potty and it’s inevitable they will step in mud, it’s like trying to catch a slippery pig to clean their paws before they come back inside. I am SO glad we don’t have carpet! Oh, and since they’re dachshunds and they hang low to the ground, their bellies normally get muddy too, which means a bath, which means they hate me, and which means I am wet all over AGAIN (hopefully I didn’t also have to wash the George Foreman grill today) and most likely have to shower again. It seems unfair that to get something else clean, you have to get dirty!
13. Crazy bra-hating feminists that want to burn and ban ALL the bras. Okay, honey, you like to be a free bird, that’s great for you, not so great for everyone else. Don’t try and speak for every woman everywhere. Not everyone was blessed with the taken-for-granted ability to go without a bra, I have to wear mine 24/7.
15. Being scolded in public. I am a pretty sensitive person and always try to be on my best behavior when around people who don’t understand my craziness and love of being silly, but when I slip up and get scolded, it makes my cheeks turn redder than a clown’s nose.
16. People who try to force their anti-choice beliefs on everyone, a.k.a controlling women’s bodies. This is especially true if you are a man, shame on you.
17. Homophobia. Screw you guys too.
18 People who are so stubbornly stuck in their own ways that their eyes are blinded to seeing anyone else’s views, or respecting other people’s views.
19. People who abuse animals.
20. People who say they hate people who abuse animals because people are next. Sometimes they word it in a way that makes me feel like they don’t care about the animals that have been hurt, they just care about the possible people who can be hurt.
21. Religious people who say anyone that doesn’t believe everything they tell them to believe will go to hell. Eff you guys too.
22. People who don’t teach their children how to properly treat an animal. My dog use to like children, but he was slapped and hit so many times by children whose parents just said, “Oh, they don’t know any better,” but didn’t correct the behavior that he is now afraid of all children. Which makes some parents mad at ME because now my dog assumes every child will hit him because the majority of the children he met before he was afraid of them did.
23. Using hand sanitizer when you don’t know yet (oh, trust me, YOU SOON WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF SATAN) that you have a paper cut.
24. When I use the restroom in other people’s homes and they don’t have soap. Anywhere. I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame when I leave the bathroom and everyone else that’s been knows my hands aren’t clean because there’s no soap.
25. People who refuse to use the bathroom outside their home. What happens when you go on vacation? Do you think I’m a terrible, gross, bacteria-infested person because I don’t think twice about plopping my butt on any ol’ clean toilet seat? Do you think my bathroom is gross? When you gotta go, you gotta GO.
26. Onions. I tried to tell my mom I was allergic to them and she said get back in the kitchen and prep dinner. I cried later that day – you know, because of the Syn-propanethial-S-oxide.
27. The fact that I missed out in childhood and most of my early adulthood on the joys that are mushrooms because my mom has such a strong hatred for them that I judged them before I even got to know them. Shame on me. I can never get those 24 years back!
28. Onions again. I really, really hate them.
29. When my husband loses his debit card, so he takes mine out of my wallet without telling me. This use to only be discovered when I was checking out at a grocery store (normally with a long line behind me, just to add to the embarrassment). Now I’m smarter and I check before I leave the house.
30. Rap music.
31. When people slap my butt. My butt. No touchie.
32. Kim Kardashian’s butt. IF I HEAR ABOUT IT ONE MORE TIME…
33. Famous people who are famous just because their family is rich but they don’t do anything. I just don’t get it.
34. People who focus on and obsess over celebrities so much that they have no personality of their own.
35. Road trips over six hours.
36. When you don’t know if you should hug someone or not. And then when you make the wrong choice and hug someone who hates hugs and you feel really bad about hugging them.
37. When you said something stupid earlier and you obsess over it over, and over, and over…
38. When People Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word In A Sentence That’s Not A Title. Seriously, When Did Your School Teachers Ever Teach You To Do This? It Also Slows My Reading Down Because I Enunciate Every Word In My Head. I Hope I Used That Word Correctly.
39. When I use words incorrectly. I kind of obsess over grammar and spelling and the English language in general so I get very mad at myself when I do this.
40. When its has an apostrophe in it and it’s not suppose to have one. It’s more annoying than when it needs one and doesn’t have one.
41. When they’re, their, and there are used incorrectly.
42. Winter. And cold. Anything cold. Except ice cream. Mmmmm, ice cream.
44. No traffic when you’re trying to eat something, or you’re really early and you don’t want to sit in your car in the parking lot and do nothing for 20+ minutes, but you make every single light.
45. People who say they are open minded and then judge ME because I choose not to do drugs. I once worked at a restaurant where everyone else did light drugs and they thought I was weird and stuck up because I didn’t. I didn’t care that they smoked pot, but they sure cared that I didn’t.
46. When people post in Facebook groups that they’re looking for a job (or even worse: that they want to watch someone’s kids!) and their profile pic is one of them flicking off the camera, or doing drugs, or something else that’s highly inappropriate for a “professional” looking for a job (and God forbid, if they are looking for babysitting jobs, makes you want to duct tape your child to yourself so you never have to worry about entrusting their care to someone who has no problem showing themselves to the whole world like that).
47. Second-hand smoke. Yuck.
49. Trying to type out a long sentence on a cell phone keyboard. I have tiny fingers and I still manage to mash every key around the one key I’m trying to use.
50. Seeing the same commercial 50 times in a row on Hulu. Or hearing the same commercial 50 times in a row when listening to Pandora.
51. Stand up comedy. I don’t know why, I love to laugh, comedies are my favorite type of movie, I will laugh at damn near anything even if it’s not funny (sometimes especially if it’s not funny, because it’s so not funny that it’s funny to me), but I don’t like stand up comedies. I do however like to listen to Jeff Foxworthy in the car with my dad, and Jeff Dunham because he uses puppets.
52. I hate how saying I like Jeff Dunham because he uses puppets makes me feel like a little kid, but it’s true! His puppets are cool and funny as hell (at times, I do feel some of his jokes are overused and not very funny).
53. When people are proud and proudly proclaim to everyone that they are a self-described bitch. What happened to kindness?
54. Muggy weather.