I think I did an “oops” the other day…maybe? Referring to my list of things I hate, I think I said something stupid and now I’m obsessing over it, over, and over, and over, and wondering if I said too much. I feel shy. Was it an annoying blog post? I hope not. I was just so very happy and relieved over how well everything went and feeling quite proud of myself but with no one (besides my husband who was being annoying, though I do love him dearly) to talk with. I wanted to share my happiness and tell it somewhere. But only one other person knows about my fears, I don’t like to talk about them because it’s a very vulnerable side of myself I rarely show.
My husband has been in crazy moods lately and I’m not complaining because it is a welcome change from the grumpiness he was exuding shortly after we moved here in August. He will randomly yell, “MEEHHH,” as he rounds corners, grab the dog and make her dance (poor thing looks like she just wants someone to rescue her when he does this, and I come to her aid and shoo him away to pester something else), and perch (yes, perch) on the couch making weird faces while I raise my eyebrow until I can’t hold it in any longer and burst out laughing at him, which is always the purpose of this weirdness. He just loves to make people laugh, any means necessary. I am glad he is in such a good mood lately, but I can’t help but be curious as to why.
Meanwhile, I just have an urge to go swimming. I long to dive into the water and float (I like to float, I am good at floating) and think about life and ponder deep things. Just lose myself in the water. We have a pool right next door to our house, really only like 100 feet away. We can see it from our backyard and every window facing west. In the summer, we could hear the children screaming gleefully as they slid down the slide. The lifeguards would take turns whooping and hollering as they concocted different contraptions out of pool cleaning tools and use the diving board to jump through or across them, once school started and the pool patronage slowed down significantly. They laughed and told me it was “training” and when I asked the female lifeguard who was watching them from a distance, she said no, they were engineers and were just bored of their mind with nothing to do, no one’s life to guard. I was the only one there several times and it was great to not share the lanes. I bump into things when I space out and float and I always feel really bad when I bump into someone.
One friendly lifeguard tried teaching me how to dive but I would always chicken out right as I got near the water and plug my nose, or belly flop, or flail aimlessly in the air until I hit the water. I think one time I actually did it, from the tall diving board, but for the life of me I couldn’t recreate it. I was a one-dive wonder. I asked my husband if he could dive, and he scoffed and said, “Of COURSE I can, I was a lifeguard for the boy scouts,” but he hates swimming nowadays. It was so incredibly fun and I miss those few weeks before the pool closed for the season.
I wish Abrams would finish their damn renovations already. It is the biggest gym on post and they have the only indoor pool in the area, plus it doesn’t hurt that it’s five minutes up the road. I like things that are close, people drive like idiots here and I’ve nearly been ran off the road several times so I don’t like to venture out when there’s a lot of traffic, and the only times there’s not traffic are between the hours of 2am and 5am. When we arrived, their website said renovations complete in September. By the end of August, their website said complete in October. Then November. Then December. Now they’re saying it’s January but forgive me if I don’t go and hunt down my swimsuit and dig out my goggles. Some of the PX employees are saying it will probably be done after the new PX is built, and that’s scheduled to open in March. Blah. By the time these renovations are done the outdoor pools will be open again and I won’t need to go there at all. Stupid gym.