On The Road: The Musical

I’d like to start this off by saying I really hate long car trips. I love surprises and my family, though, and we decided to surprise our families by coming home for Christmas. It’s about a 16 hour drive. I talked to my mom earlier while we were driving and casually white lied, “Oh, yeah, we’re just on our way to Wal-Mart to buy some last minute gifts,” while we were driving through Louisiana. We were late as usual getting on the road (today’s driving doesn’t technically count, what matters is how early we get on the road tomorrow and how fast we drive) and wanted to say good-bye to our new good friends two houses down. We’re both passive, shy people so the conversation went something like this:

Friend: Did you give your house keys to Robert’s sergeant?

Me: No, we didn’t think about that…we’re not going to be gone long so we didn’t think to give our keys to anyone…

Friend: I could keep an eye on your house if you want…I mean if you don’t mind…

Me: Oh, of course, I trust you with our house, I just don’t want to leave that responsibility on you, I don’t want you to think I expect you to take care of it or anything…

Friend: (Laughs) Well, really, what is there to do if I have your keys?

Me: (Shrugs) I guess if our house catches on fire, you can let the firemen in?

So then hugs were given, good-byes and “See You Next Year”s were said, and we were on the road. I thought writing down the funny things we were saying or observing would be a fun way to pass the time and make for a good post, and then I thought it might be even funnier to list them as if they were a soundtrack to our magical, fun, amazing time on the road. And then the list was getting really long (and we’re not even halfway done with the trip sadly) so I thought it was more like a musical than a short little soundtrack. So, without further adieu, here are some disturbing interesting songs to drive to:

(Disc One)

Track 1: It’s Not Funny To Ask If We’re There Yet When I Just Backed The Car Out Of The Driveway

Track 2: The Center Console Is A Great Make-shift Doggy Barrier

Track 3: This Is Not A Singalong Song (You’re Not Elsa)

Track 4: I Wish We Brought The Doggy Sleepy Time Pills*

Track 5: I Wish We Brought The Wifey Sleepy Time Pills

Track 6: It’s Not Polite To Flick Off Traffic

Track 7: If You’re Happy and You Know It, Use Your Damn Blinker

Track 8: Do You Want Me To Drive? (Please Say No)

Track 9: Party Rock Anthem Is NOT Our Road Trip Anthem

Track 10: At Least Our Traffic Mates Are Amused By Your “Dancing”

Track 11: The Immaturity Song (We Snickered at Kickapoo Road)

Track 12: The Perverted Song (Is That Billiards Club’s Name Seriously Slick Willies? What’s Wrong With Houston?)

Track 13: The T.M.I. Song (My Back Is Very Appreciative Of The Car’s Seat Warmers)

Track 14: Voices In My Head a.k.a The Multi-Tasking Song (My Phone Is on Double-Duty as a GPS and Music Player)

Track 15: My Robot Voice (As I Mimic The GPS Lady and Remind You to Turn Left in Three Quarters of a Mile)

Track 16: No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No (Washington Avenue, Washington Avenue, WASHINGTON AVENUE)

Track 17: Now We’re On I-10 East (The GPS Needs To Come To Grips With The Fact That We Didn’t Take Washington Avenue)

Track 18: It’s Still Not Funny To Ask If We’re There Yet (We’re Still in Texas)

Track 19: Simon Says Stay In Your Own Lane

Track 20: Ring-a-round-a-boulevard (We Missed Our Exit, The GPS Is Confused As Heck, And Is Now Taking Us In Circles)

Track 21: I’m Hot, Put The Dogs In The Back Seat (You Have The Whole Car, Why Do You Want To Squish Together On My Lap?)

Track 22: I’m Cold, Give Me A Dog (Or Two)

And now that we’re here, I will not say “I told you so” to my husband, I will instead list a Bonus Track.

Bonus Track: I Told You To Book The Hotel in Mississippi or Alabama (Now We Have To Drive 10 Hours Tomorrow)

It’s always easier to do the bulk of the driving on the first day, I think.

*Note: I was worried about making people angry or upset because of the doggy “sleepy pills” thing, it was a joke! Our little girl Luna has separation anxiety and her vet recommended we give her and Cricket a natural relaxer to help them not to stress on our 10-hour flight home this past summer. They were both happy, relaxed, and content on our flight home, which was also great for our stress levels. My husband just gets a kick out of calling them “sleepy time pills”. I got a song because I wouldn’t stop singing (horribly off-key, I might add). Thank you! And if you have any fun songs to add, please share them!


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